Why Worry?

Worrying is the great joy stealer for many, yet even when we can see that our fearful thoughts are hurting us, it can still be difficult to banish worry from our minds. The emotional logic of worry is quite compelling, after all. We might even see it as a positive activity, comparable to planning or preparing. It isn't, of course, but the line between healthy anticipation and unhealthy worrying isn't always entirely clear.

Spiritual teachers have been telling us for thousands of years to remain in the present. What exactly does that mean? I'll start by explaining what it doesn't mean. Being present doesn't mean that the future is ignored. It doesn't mean playing all summer instead of preparing for the winter by building shelter. It doesn't mean doing whatever we want today with no thought about the consequences. "Live each day as if it were your last" seems like great advice, but taken too far it entirely eliminates the value of long-term planning. It's possible tomorrow won't come for some, but for most it will and we need to live our lives accordingly.

Being present does mean paying attention to the moment. When you're spending time with someone, be with that person rather than lost in thought. When you aren't feeling good, emotionally or physically, don't escape or avoid your discomfort. Face it, address it, and feel it. Notice your surroundings, be grateful for the positive aspects of your existence even if they aren't your main focus, and accept whatever is happening to you.

As a chronic worrier, I found that I actually did best when things weren't going well in my life. Then I could rise about the negativity and rally my thoughts into a semblance of hope. When things were actually good in my life, though, I never fully appreciated them because mentally I was thinking about the time six or eight months in the future when they would surely become hard again.

There is no simple formula for letting go of worry, but there are a few important elements. One of these is trust in your current self, trust in your future self, trust that things will always workout somehow, and letting go of the need to fix the unchangeable past. When things go wrong in life, it can sometimes feel very personal, as if we are being punished for something we did wrong. I've found this is rarely if ever the case. Even when we make big mistakes that carry deeply negative consequences, this can ultimately be for our good as we learn in the best possible way what is and isn't okay.

If you see yourself as inherently unworthy, as many do, this too can undermine your trust even in the good things that happen to you. Surely they will just be taken away and your bliss is only temporary, the mind might reason. Constant worry keeps a person from feeling at peace even when all external conditions are peaceful. By the same token, those who have learned to access inner peace can feel content even in difficult circumstances.

Although it might seem like cliche advice, focusing on the breath and on your present surroundings can be extremely helpful. Worrying is a habit, and being present can create new connections in the mind that interrupt old unhealthy patterns. Are you someone who is always busy? If so, you may see it as a sign of hard work and good character. However, the ability to sit and do nothing can be restorative and healing, perhaps even allowing for increased productivity since the mind can be more peaceful and focused during times of productivity.

Taoists advocate the idea of going with the flow rather than fighting against it. As you navigate the currents of your life, you can learn to recognize when you are wasting energy on a lost cause versus allowing and accepting. As you willingly learn to embrace the chaotic uncertainty of life, you can calm your inner demons and end your self-inflicted mental torment. When worrisome thoughts enter, you can welcome them without becoming overly attached. "Thank you for expressing your concerns, brain. You are doing your job so very well, but I am not going to just believe everything I think. I'm going to acknowledge that possibilities for good exist in this and every other situation I face. You are no longer in charge of me."

While there are some things that very much require worrying, such as when you are lost in the woods or being pursued by someone or something that wants to hurt you, many of the things we worry about feel far more dangerous than they actually are. Bills that pile up, social embarrassment, job losses - all of these things can negatively impact our mental health, but many have gone through similar experiences and come out on the other side, stronger and more empathetic. You have more resilience than you realize, and when difficulties come into your life then you can learn to face them bravely. If you can take action, take action. If you can't, let it go. Rather than wasting your energy on worry, channel that energy into fully embracing your life and the present moment just as it is.